Bye Bye Baby...

This morning, the spotting and intermittent bleeding turned into a full gush of dark red blood. By mid morning, it happened again and I stopped denying myself the truth. I am well on my way to losing this baby. It didn't make me rush to the doctor because inside I knew, there was nothing he could have done anyway. I have been reading up enough to know that if this is happening, it is happening for a good reason. This is not meant to be, and it could be just nature's way to prevent me from having a less-than-perfect baby.

I cried a little on my own, but I didn't tell anyone but my brother what was going on. I knew if I had told my dear friends, they would be on the phone immediately or at my doorstep trying to make me feel better. That would just make me feel worse. My brother, on the other hand, understood me well and just told me to take care and look at the brighter side if things. No calls, no hugs no words of encouragement. That was what I wanted. I only wanted to cry and break down when hubby comes home. Nothing more.

I am going to sit back and let the bleeding subside. I know there is nothing to be done. I am having my period and chances of the embryo surviving are pretty slim. I will continue with the hormone pills just in case if a miracle and I will wait for hubby to get back in two days' time and we'll visit the doctor together. I cannot make that visit by myself anymore.

I guess this is just not meant to be.