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By late Saturday, I told myself to snap out of my self-pity, look ahead and move on. There's always next time. Try again.
And of course, Hubby was being real sweet even though he is so far away. That sort of helps.
...
I burst into tears soon after I rang Hubby and told him I am having a not too great day. Somehow having to deal with this sudden maybe-good-news-gone-bad quietly alone on a Saturday morning when there is absolutely nothing to distract me is just too much.
I am angry at myself, at the way my body reacted to this. Why taunt me with this sickening burping sensations, why make me feel the exact the things I did when I was briefly pregnant last October... the constant thirst, waking up at 3am every morning, tiredness, the awful pain in my breasts...need I add my MIA menses....
Please just let this weekend pass quickly so I may plunge back into my work. For now, just let me be upset.
I thought I was preggers after a 'false positive' with a test strip last Thursday. After which, I waited another few days before testing again; this time with 3 different brands. Just to be sure. And they all came out negative. For a moment, I was speechless and everything was just whirling around. That moment of delirious joy last Thursday was ... well, you know. Sigh...After a few minutes, I dismissed it all and continued with my usual Saturday chores. Of course I was disappointed. Of course I felt like it was all so unfair. But well, that just means we'll have to try again. And so I had a big mug of tea to 'celebrate' my un-pregnant state....
I am starting to chart my BBT; partly to perhaps keep it as a reference in the event I might need it to help conception, but mostly I am curious about how I tick biologically. So armed with a digital thermometer and my alarm clock set at 6am every day, I have been charting it for the past 5 days. So far it kind of looks a bit..... crazy. Hmmm.....
